Not long before I started looking for my personal style. Photo by Kamil Mirkowicz (early 2012)
I tell a lot of stories on my blog. Stories make this place what it is: a quiet, personal corner of the internet, where I can open up and feel safe and happy to share my day to day life. I hope you guys feel it too! There is one large story to be told here yet, and it's an ongoing one, weaved into the visual part of things: my style story. I have shared snippets of it in writing before but I want to have it here, complete, in one place. Not total, by any means, but important. It's the basis of this blog and it's a big part of me, as I am.
The before
I didn't always have a style.
When I was younger, I would usually be in one of the two states: one being curious about clothes and one being totally un-interested. I'd either try on clothes that were new and unusual to me: skirts and colorful blouses, or I'd stick to my usual routine of a grey turtleneck and a pair of loosely fitting jeans, much like in the outfit pictured above. I'd either want to be invisible in my regular clothes or I'd be feeling empowered but also nervous in something out of my comfort zone.
Most of the time, I was confused. Why did I not know how to style myself when all my friends did? Did I lack something? Also, I kept thinking maybe if I wasn't born with this knowledge of beautifying myself, then I should abandon it altogether.
I grew up in an idealist family and was taught to not pay attention to superficial values. As a result, I'd always believed it was the things inside that were worthy of interest. It is a beautiful sentiment, isn't it? The society on the other hand, I felt told me that I had to choose one of the two ways: being beautiful but shallow and vain or being smart and deep but unpretty. With more of the weight placed on the latter version being universally morally better, I stuck to what I knew: I'm unpretty and I'm not able to change it, so I should just stick to my depth and intelligence.
That way of thinking kept making me feel unhappy. I would be too scared to take a dive in the sea of fashion and style while at the same time I always could tell when a person wore their clothes with taste. I'd look up to them. I just wouldn't know how they did it.
That --this ability to see harmony instantly and to appreciate it so much --was a clue in and out of itself.
Seeing is vital to me, and beauty has always been extremly important in my life. Looking for beauty and seeing it everywhere is innate to me, it drives me and it's a thing I've always cherished. I want to have beauty and harmony all around me. So in fact, I was going against my own insticts when I was denying myself either feeling beautiful by dressing well or feeling good about making myself beautiful. I was making myself unhappy.
I'm not going to tell you about all the phases that lead to the moment when I realized I wanted to have a style. One of the crucial things that happened was when I found style blogs back in 2012. I got hooked on Elsa's whimsical take on adulthood, Elizabeth's free spirit and Rebecca's adorable quirkiness. They were the proof I needed to accept that a person can be the best of both worlds: stylish and smart, deep and beautiful. Watching them helped me embrace the idea that style is a choice. It's not identical with following trends or watching fashion tv or spending money on designer clothes. It doesn't mean dressing to attract attention and it certainly doesn't mean abandoning your intelligence. I now know that it can be all and none of these things. It can mean anything you want. You do it your way.
In my case, the key to finding my own style was to open up to seeing beauty --both internal and external --without judging one as better than the other. With it came the idea that I could be both of these worlds.
But it wasn't a snap of the fingers kind of transformation. The realization that my style is my own choice was a rebellious act in itself. You have no idea how scared I was when I decided that I, the girl who only wore jeans and tees, liked dresses and pretty prints and girly blouses. At 25 years old no less. What would my family and my friends say to this change? How does the society react to a girl like that? A girl I've never been before.
I was met with some mocking and rised eyebrows. But the sense of satisfaction I got from trying new stylistic routes far outbalanced this pushback. So, after a while, my concerns about what others thought about my newly developing style waned. I shifted my attention to my own curiosity and imagination. I sometimes felt nervous about my stylistic choices but I didn't feel confused or ashamed anymore. The most prevailing feeling was that of empowerment. Maybe for the first time in my life, I accepted and embraced my own looks --and I wanted to adorn them and make them shine.
I thought it was important to tell this story now. You see, I've long been thinking about writing a series on finding personal style. Tips and tricks, but also more in-depth stuff. When talking about ways to search for personal style, I will inevitably take into account my own experiences. Sharing my story was important to me because I want you to know where I came from and what has shaped me. My tangled path taught me to be sensitive to others and to always aim to see a person for who they are rather than for who I'd like them to be.
I believe that if we find ourselves longing for a style of our own, there is a story connected to that. Some things in our lives brought us here. It can be a conscious decision to take care of ourselves. Or it can be a necessity, brought on by a change in lifestyle. It can be a reflection of yearning for self expression. Or it can be so many other things.
So this is my "why". Why I found my style and why I stick to it. It's not just about the looks. It's about feeling deeply connected to myself and feeling secure. It's a big part of being happy. This, in turn, made me want to help others figure out their style, for their own reasons.
What are your "whys"?
What is your style story?
Follow
Most of the time, I was confused. Why did I not know how to style myself when all my friends did? Did I lack something? Also, I kept thinking maybe if I wasn't born with this knowledge of beautifying myself, then I should abandon it altogether.
I grew up in an idealist family and was taught to not pay attention to superficial values. As a result, I'd always believed it was the things inside that were worthy of interest. It is a beautiful sentiment, isn't it? The society on the other hand, I felt told me that I had to choose one of the two ways: being beautiful but shallow and vain or being smart and deep but unpretty. With more of the weight placed on the latter version being universally morally better, I stuck to what I knew: I'm unpretty and I'm not able to change it, so I should just stick to my depth and intelligence.
left: my regular style (2007), right: trying something new. Despite the untucked blouse, intuitively, I was on to something! (2008)
Beauty is in the eye
That way of thinking kept making me feel unhappy. I would be too scared to take a dive in the sea of fashion and style while at the same time I always could tell when a person wore their clothes with taste. I'd look up to them. I just wouldn't know how they did it.
That --this ability to see harmony instantly and to appreciate it so much --was a clue in and out of itself.
Reclaiming style
I'm not going to tell you about all the phases that lead to the moment when I realized I wanted to have a style. One of the crucial things that happened was when I found style blogs back in 2012. I got hooked on Elsa's whimsical take on adulthood, Elizabeth's free spirit and Rebecca's adorable quirkiness. They were the proof I needed to accept that a person can be the best of both worlds: stylish and smart, deep and beautiful. Watching them helped me embrace the idea that style is a choice. It's not identical with following trends or watching fashion tv or spending money on designer clothes. It doesn't mean dressing to attract attention and it certainly doesn't mean abandoning your intelligence. I now know that it can be all and none of these things. It can mean anything you want. You do it your way.
In my case, the key to finding my own style was to open up to seeing beauty --both internal and external --without judging one as better than the other. With it came the idea that I could be both of these worlds.
Figuring out my style (2012, 2013).
The rebel without a clue
I was met with some mocking and rised eyebrows. But the sense of satisfaction I got from trying new stylistic routes far outbalanced this pushback. So, after a while, my concerns about what others thought about my newly developing style waned. I shifted my attention to my own curiosity and imagination. I sometimes felt nervous about my stylistic choices but I didn't feel confused or ashamed anymore. The most prevailing feeling was that of empowerment. Maybe for the first time in my life, I accepted and embraced my own looks --and I wanted to adorn them and make them shine.
Early blogging style (2013) and more recent style (2017).
The after
I will keep on stressing that personal style is a road. It's not a point where we stay forever. It evolves just as we do. Some basic principles don't change --like the silhouettes that look best on us and lines with which we balance our bodies. But the rest? The ornaments, patterns, details --that's something that can and will inevitably change along with us.I thought it was important to tell this story now. You see, I've long been thinking about writing a series on finding personal style. Tips and tricks, but also more in-depth stuff. When talking about ways to search for personal style, I will inevitably take into account my own experiences. Sharing my story was important to me because I want you to know where I came from and what has shaped me. My tangled path taught me to be sensitive to others and to always aim to see a person for who they are rather than for who I'd like them to be.
I believe that if we find ourselves longing for a style of our own, there is a story connected to that. Some things in our lives brought us here. It can be a conscious decision to take care of ourselves. Or it can be a necessity, brought on by a change in lifestyle. It can be a reflection of yearning for self expression. Or it can be so many other things.
So this is my "why". Why I found my style and why I stick to it. It's not just about the looks. It's about feeling deeply connected to myself and feeling secure. It's a big part of being happy. This, in turn, made me want to help others figure out their style, for their own reasons.
What are your "whys"?
What is your style story?
Follow
Hi Klara, thanks so much for writing about this topic. I truly related to your article and I found myself nodding in agreement to so much of what you wrote here (including the acceptable perceptions regarding clothing when you were growing up).
ReplyDeleteAnd that beauty can be "both internal and external" - love that!!
I would be very keen to read any future posts about finding personal style too. 😊
Thanks for your comment Chrissa! So glad to read you enjoyed this post. I have more in the works and will be posting them soon, when I feel they're ready :).
DeleteI loved reading about this Klara! I hope I can make a post like this one soon as well :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your why so much. I think that if I think deeply about it, it might be just the same. Though my style is mostly a mix of two different personas, one more on the rocker side and the other cute and feminine with all the frilly dresses, I think they perfectly define who I am and are rooted in the fact that I am a mix of so many things and interests!
I'd love to read more tips and tricks from you! :D
Sora | http://dangerouslyme.com/
Style can be such a multi-faceted thing! And it's a wonderful thing at that. I love playing dress up and wearing more feminine pieces like elegant blouses and skirts but wearing simple corduroy dresses is just as much 'me'. It's good to have a persona for every day and weather :D.
DeleteThanks for reading and commenting! <3
Super!
ReplyDelete_____________
Sprawdź mojÄ… nowÄ… stronÄ™ ♥ daria-porcelain.pl
Cześć,
ReplyDeleteTo był jeden z najbardziej inspirujących wpisów jakie czytałam na blogach. Bardzo mnie poruszył. Sama nie mam stylu. Nie wyglądam tak super jak Ty (bo wyglądasz super!). Ale dobrze się z tym czuję. Może to o to chodzi? Żeby się dobrze czuć?
Pozdrawiam,
Kasia
Dzięki za komentarz i miłe słowa :).
DeleteUważam, że styl nie jest czymś, co każdy musi mieć. Jeśli jest on komuś potrzebny, to super i warto go poszukać, by poczuć się we własnej skórze komfortowo. Ale jeśli nie masz stylu i dobrze się z tym czujesz, to jest to tak samo super i cieszę się razem z Tobą :). Dokładnie o to chodzi: żeby dobrze się czuć.
Amazing things here. I'm very glad to look your post.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot and I am looking ahead to contact you.
Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?
Wspaniały wpis, pięknie posługujesz się słowem pisanym. I równie rewelacyjny Twój styl! Gratuluję.
ReplyDeleteKojarzę Cię z blogów Marii i Grety. Jako, że nie tylko masz wyczucie stylu, ale nawet szyjesz ubrania, ciekawi mnie Twoje zdanie na temat podążania za tymi odgórnymi wskazówkami (np. Kibbe, analiza kolorystyczna itp.) a kierowania się własnym gustem. Czy postawiłabyś tu jakąś granicę? Co z osobami, które łamią wszelkie zasady i wg Ciebie wyglądają niefajnie, miałabyś ochotę je przebrać, ale one same czują się w tym świetnie, nie widzą problemu? Albo ostre przemiany w osobę o zupełnie innym wyglądzie (np. Dita von Teese?) Może wpis na taki temat?
Dzięki za miłe słowa i za komentarz :).
DeletePoruszasz ciekawy temat, sama od dłuższego czasu nad tym myślę. W tej chwili odpowiem tak: patrząc po bliższych i dalszych znajomych, których garderobę jestem w stanie obejrzeć szerzej, widzę, że wiele kobiet ma bardzo dobre wyczucie tego, co im pasuje. Jestem przekonana, że stylistka pracująca z typologią Kibbe/McJimsey czy w innym podobnym systemie powiedziałaby im tylko to, co już same dobrze wiedząc. Kiedy się uważnie popatrzy na siebie i posłucha swoich preferencji, a do trendów zachowa się zdrowy dystans, to trudno jakoś mocno przestrzelić, bo wszystko wynika z ciała. Taka była moja droga - trwało to, jak widać, kilka ładnych lat, ale doszłam dokładnie w to samo miejsce, które mi później opisała stylistka (coś około Soft Gamine wg. Kibbe).
Jeśli ktoś przestrzeli swój typ i ubiera się wg innego, ale czuje się w tym jak ryba w wodzie i daje mu to radochę, to tylko się z nim cieszyć! Jestem za tym, by styl traktować przede wszystkim jako element harmonii wewnętrznej. Harmonii wizualnej nie jesteśmy nikomu winni i *wymagać* jej można chyba tylko w miejscach, gdzie jest rzeczywiście wystawiona na ocenę: np. w edytorialach, sesjach modowych, na wybiegach... Ale nie na drugim człowieku na ulicy. Nie oceniajmy ludzi po ubraniach.
Dziękuję za odpowiedź. :) Cieszę się, że tak uważasz.
DeleteTeż zawsze całym sercem jestem za tym wyświechtanym już chyba określeniem, by "wyrażać siebie" ubiorem, nie przejmując się jakimiś wytycznymi. (Choć one są bardzo pomocne, ale nie warto zamykać w jakimś schemacie na siłę) Z drugiej strony jestem wrażliwa na wszystko, co wizualne, lubię wokół harmonię, ładne przedmioty itp. i miło patrzeć na harmonię widoczną w czyimś wyglądzie ALE zgadzam się z tym, co napisałaś: styl to "element harmonii wewnętrznej","harmonii wizualnej nie jesteśmy nikomu winni".
Jeszcze w kwestii samej harmonii- warto pamiętać, że w naszej kulturze wykształciliśmy określone wzorce harmonii wizualnej, a przecież w innych kulturach mogą (i pewnie są) one inne... Tak jest ponoć z muzyką, więc z innymi dziedzinami sztuki (a modę można nazwać sztuką) podobnie... Już samo znaczenie kulturowe poszczególnych kolorów jest różne w różnych rejonach świata, a kolory to dopiero początek... Zresztą, celowe łamanie harmonii bywa często uzasadnione w ramach właśnie "wyrażania siebie" czy jakiejś idei. Nie zawsze celem założenia konkretnych ubrań musi być piękno ;)
Bardzo mi się podoba ta szeroka myśl, którą się podzieliłaś w temacie harmonii. Oczywiście, że tak jest, że różnimy się kulturowo wzorcami wytwarzania harmonii. A jednak przy tym myślę, że samo dostrzeganie harmonii jest uniwersalne dla różnych kultur (boję się to pisać ze swoim wykształceniem z antropologii kulturowej, to brzmi jak herezja :D), bo wszyscy jesteśmy homo sapiens. Natomiast przejawy różnych rodzajów harmonii, które sami wytwarzamy, jak również ich opisy, zasady tworzenia, a także zasady łamania tych zasad - są bardzo lokalne.
DeleteWeźmy na przykład ogrody: francuski i japoński. Oba są przejawem lokalnego sposobu wytwarzania harmonii. Mówią coś o kulturach, z których się wywodzą. Różnią się od siebie jak niebo i ziemia. Ale nie wątpię, że harmonię zarówno w jednym, jak i w drugim wypadku dostrzeże w nich zarówno Japończyk, jak Francuz, jak i Polak, i Nigeryjczyk, i wszyscy inni. Być może czasem zobaczenie harmonii wyprodukowanej w innej kulturze wymaga zerwania z przyzwyczajeniem do własnych sposobów wytwarzania harmonii - ale nie wątpię, że jest ono możliwe dla każdego. No i, jak zauważyłaś, harmonia nie musi równać się pięknu. Może to jest właśnie ten haczyk trudny do przełknięcia.
Właśnie od jakiegoś czasu mocno intryguje mnie myśl - na ile wzorce harmonii i piękna są uniwersalne. Jeśli będziesz miała kiedyś ochotę, naprawdę chętnie poczytam dłuższy wpis na Twoim blogu na taki (lub podobny temat).
DeleteOh, I was exactly like you in 2007! I never wore something feminine, then I started wearing what I really liked, feminine and retro style, it Made me so happy. Now at 36 I feel it's the moment to wear just simple things like jeans or black trousers and sweaters like every orsetto woman. What do you think about?
ReplyDeleteI think it's totally up to you! I mean, there's nothing wrong with changing your style. If you feel like you've had enough of the feminine retro pieces, it's equally ok to just feel like yourself in jeans and sweaters. I too am going through many transitions in style in the recent years. It's all evolving and it's totally ok. We do not owe it to our past selves to keep sticking to styles we no longer enjoy.
Delete